I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
