I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
