if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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