Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
