did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
