Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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