I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
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