dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
do nipples grow back?
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