I smell stomach acid.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
