I want to stick my p in your. b.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
