2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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