I like my sex mixed with concussions.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
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