is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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