The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
