he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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