i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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