is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
