well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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