someone owes me an orgasm
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize
