you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
