so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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