My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
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