I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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