i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
