I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
