worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
