it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
