Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
