a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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