sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
