ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
