Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
