I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
