It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
