I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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