I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
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