i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
There was a lot of him and a little penis
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
