u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
