i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Randomize
