we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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