so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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