What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
