if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Drake has all the answers
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
