You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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