you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize