Can i not drive my cunt home
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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