What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
