She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
