Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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