M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
