but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
