I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
