is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
