saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
