a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
