operation have a gay friend backfired
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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