So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
