Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
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