How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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