I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
And then he peed in my hair
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