we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize