there's paper in my vomit.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
