We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
