? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
