i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
