if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You have to summon your inner elephant
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
whose parrot is this?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Maybe he injected his testicle?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
