I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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