this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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