Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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