Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
