The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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